I am alive ending
How can you find that person if you're not alive? I can 100% assure you that there is someone out there that will genuinely love you, genuinely wants to be with you, and understands you. I have met so many wonderful people that have given me hope because I didn't kill myself. Go somewhere you can be taken care of until you can think clearly. Don't make a decision this big while in a mental state like this. Please admit yourself to a hospital, or at least call a hotline. Evil people don't care if they're evil, and that isn't you. The fact that you care that you might be bad is a sign that you aren't "terrible," or too far gone. You truly don't sound like a terrible person. Maybe it'll be five years from now even that's worth the wait, I think. Maybe this is the year you meet someone who changes your life for the better, if you just give it time. I didn't even meet people who I felt actually liked me for myself and weren't annoyed by me until I was a teenager, so I feel like it's always worth sticking around to see what happens in the future.
![i am alive ending i am alive ending](https://v1cdn.destructoid.com/iaa6-620x.jpg)
If I had killed myself when I first wanted to, or any of the other times I wanted to, I would have never met my current best friend. Even if it feels like it, the likelihood truly isn't 0% as long as you're alive for it to potentially get better. The way I see it, dying leaves you with a 0% chance of achieving happiness ever again, staying alive doesn't. There’s no point in being alive if I’m a terrible human being who never even had a chance. There’s no point in living if my brain will never be fixed. Tonight, I’m going to drive to a place that was special to my ex and I. I ordered refills for medication I have been hoarding.
![i am alive ending i am alive ending](https://drh1.img.digitalriver.com/DRHM/Storefront/Company/ubi/images/screenshots/IAA_PC_Screen_2.jpg)
I have been in therapy for years and I continue to be a fucking monster. I’m an abusive pile of shit who isn’t capable of being loved because I hurt the people I love most. My ex said he would never get back together with me if I slept with other people. In a state of despair, I hooked up with random men to fill the void. The love of my life broke up with me a month ago. I have wanted to die since I was 6 years old. This has led to many psychological problems such as PTSD, depression, anxiety, OCD and borderline personality disorder. I was neglected by my mother when I was an infant, her neglect and inattentiveness led to me being sexually abused by my caretaker.
![i am alive ending i am alive ending](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/VENE3Y4zjF0/maxresdefault.jpg)
Tonight, I’m finally ending it all after 21 years of living.